I’m Terrible at Taking the Lead in Bed
Women taking initiatives is important for building a culture of consent.
I’m really bad at taking the lead on sex. I always rely on the guy to initiate things, to determine what will happen and when. It was worst when I was younger, and having my first sexual experiences. I had no idea what role I was supposed to be playing. “Sometimes I just feel like a starfish when I’m doing it,” I told one of my close friends at the time. “I know what you mean,” she replied. “I’m not really sure what I am supposed to be doing.”
We didn’t really have any examples to follow. In mainstream porn, the woman’s role is limited to blowjobs, moaning and receiving semen on various parts of her body. In movies, whether on sex or romance, it is still mainly the guy that makes the first move.
Over time, after sleeping around a little bit and gaining in confidence, it got easier to play a more active role in sexual encounters, but personally, I still have difficulty feeling confident enough to lead the dance. I’m worried I’ll make myself look silly, that he will look at me and think “Did you really think that would turn me on? You, with your weird face and your imperfect, hairy body? ” Even with longterm partners, one of the reasons I don’t feel confident is that I’m worried he’ll be judging me for seeming…
