‘Sex is not a performance, the bed is not a stage’

For more pleasure, we need to stop making sex into a competition.

It sometimes feels to me like performance has become more important than pleasure in the way we judge successful sex.

What makes this even more absurd is that there is no “good way” to do sex, no way of creating an objective playbook of the moves to make or the positions to try. Each person likes different things, and so being good at sex requires forgetting about the game and concentrating on the person you are with.

One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.


“Good in bed,” what.
“You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.
Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.
This isn’t a test.”

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